Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
