He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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