whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize