3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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