whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
