I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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