i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
