I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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