About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
