Jerry, you need to find god
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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