I'm eating all of the evidence.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
