My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
