i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
