4 words: hood of his car
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
