Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
