You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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