I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
