All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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