At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
