it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
