I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
