He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
