I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
