There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
