Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Come see our sink grown plant.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
