3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
