At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
