Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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