No I am not eating basil off your cock
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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