why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize