so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
