It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
