i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So vagazzling was a success
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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