I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
