so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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