you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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