Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
