I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
