I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
