see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
