you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
