girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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