Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
