You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What did we do last night that was yellow?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
