He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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