do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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