yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
