I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
