Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
