And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
