I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
