I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
