Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
