Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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