I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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