The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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