they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
