So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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