Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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