He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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