Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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