that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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