even my farts smell like vagina
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
