Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
