Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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