I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize