I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
