Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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