Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
is that a dick in a sweater?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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