I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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