if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize